By Chuck Woodbury
Some friends and I were discussing reincarnation. I said I did not believe in it. But I said if I were to come back I did not want to come back as a certain bug I’d heard about. The creature has a terrible life. How terrible, you ask?
How about this? It’s born, then it lives awhile, and then one day it feels the urge to poop. Now, this is where the “terrible life” comes in. It seems that when that time comes, the tiny, eight-legged arachnid, called a Demodex Mite, has a serious problem. You see, it has no butt.
So when it gets the urge to go, it’s in a heap o’ trouble!
My friends said, “Oh, Chuck, you are fibbing, there is no such bug.” But I was right. A study by North Carolina State University revealed that 100 percent of the people tested had the mites. Other studies have shown that people under 18 may not have them, but as they age, so does the incidence of infestation.
But there is even worse news than how the mites die, and that is that they live on our faces. The creatures, which are related to spiders and ticks, bury head-down in our hair follicles, living off our skin oils.
A Demodex Mite usually lives 2 to 3 weeks. The female lays 15 to 20 eggs inside the hair follicle near the sebaceous glands. The eggs develop into larvae, which eventually become adults. The male will leave the follicle in search of a mate, while the female stays put. They can walk approximately 10 mm/h and tend to be more active in the dark.
No matter how long and hard you scrub, the bugs remain. They’re strong little buggers!
And so, whether you like it or not, the mites are there on your face right now. Some are just lapping up your skin oils, while others are having sex.
But maybe the worst part of all is that when the mites finally get an undeniable urge to part with a lifetime supply of numero dos, there is nowhere for it to go — that is, without consequences. That’s when the really ugly part occurs: they just let loose. In doing so, they blow themselves to smithereens, sending their poop flying every which way, right there on your face.
Okay, now go wash up. But it won’t do you any good.
P.S. There is a serious side to this. Some people suffer from a Demodex infestation and may require medical treatment.