ROADSIDE JOURNAL: My parents pay a visit. . . sort of

By Chuck Woodbury
ROADSIDE JOURNAL
After I drifted off to sleep last night, my parents paid me a visit. They died 10 years ago, so they didn’t really visit me. But I could see them as I lay there with my eyes closed. My mother wore one of her favorite pink blouses. I don’t know what my father wore, but I could see him, almost like he was really there.

I almost never dream of my parents, which surprises me. Growing up, all the way into my own “senior” years, I dreamed of them, but it was usually a nightmare, where they had died. It was always good to wake up and realize I was just dreaming.

But since they died, they have only appeared in my dreams as bit players. I still hope that one day they will show up for a meaningful visit. But after 10 years, it hasn’t happened. The times where they have made an appearance have been nice, yet now when I wake up I am sad when I realize I was just dreaming.

If you have lost a parent or both parents, do you dream of them? Is there a theme to their visits? Do you sometimes feel in your dream that they are really there with you? Do they speak to you, tell you things?

Oh, before I go, if you have recently lost both your parents, you might want to read the book The Orphaned Adult. I found it very helpful, even comforting after I lost both of my parents (five months apart).

Please feel free to comment.

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8 Thoughts to “ROADSIDE JOURNAL: My parents pay a visit. . . sort of”

  1. Pat

    I lost my Mother when I was 19, nearly 40 years ago. I don’t recall dreaming of her, probably did early on. My father died about 30 years ago. I dreamt of seeing him walking on the sidewalk, leaving a building several times. It would feel so real. But, I would wake to find it was just a dream. I think it was my mind trying to over ride reality, and make his death a lie. We were not on speaking terms when he passed, but it was still very hard on me.

  2. Darrell

    My dad died in 1959 just after I turned 10. I never saw him in a dream until 4 years ago when he was in 2 very short dreams about 1 month apart. He was sitting next to me and did not talk, but I told him how happy I was to see him. The second one he spoke briefly to me, though I don’t remember what he said. I told him that now I remembered what his voice sounded like. Both very short, but important dreams to me after all those years. My mother died 25 years after him and I had many dreams at first about her, but none in the last 10 – 15 years.

  3. Gary Glenn

    I rarely dream of my mother when I do they are pleasant dreams. I never dream of my father as we had no relationship because of a divorce when I was two. But I will tell you there is never a day gone by in the 15 years since her passing that she brought to my mind. My sister calls me on moms birthday and sings Happy Birthday to her. GOD Bless her she lived to be 80. And yes we also had AARP at the same time.

  4. Peter McDonald

    My Dad died June 20th of this year. Mom died September 4th. I have not processed these losses yet. I had started replacing the carpet in my motor home before Mom fell and broke her hip. After returning from two weeks away helping with Mom and ultimately ending in her memorial service, I have been consumed with trying to finish what I started to meet a deadline of this Sunday. These plans were made months ago. But now the project is finished and I suspect with that pressure off me, I will grieve. I actually cried for the first time last evening. I will probably cry some more.

    1. Chuck Woodbury

      Peter, you lost your folks in pretty much the same time frame as me. After 10 years I still miss them, and at times, I feel suddenly sad at the thought they are gone. I want to share things with them, but, damn, they are not here. The book that I noted in my article talks about how grieving comes and goes. I find that after 10 years that is still true for me. I was lucky to have my folks around for a long time, we all possessed AARP cards at the same time! Some people are not so lucky, and lose their parent early on. I feel bad for them.

  5. Kathleen

    I lost my mother in 1973. She was 1 month into her 37th year and I was 1 week into my 21st year. I lost my father in 2001 at age 66. I am 2 weeks from turning 66. Exactly 2 years after my mother died (I was now 23) I was blessed one night with a visit from her in the form of a dream. Prior to that I had not accepted she was gone. She held me and stroked my hair and with the most amazing look of angelic peace she told me “everything is allright”. She had such a sad, tragic childhood and continued to suffer in different ways throughout her short adult life. But she held on to her faith and gave only love and kindness to everyone. She brought me peace that night by letting me know all her suffering was over. It was the most precious gift I could ever receive.
    I’ve only had a few dreams of her over the past 45 years. I’ve had one dream of my father who was a dear soul as well. I find it odd that we don’t dream of them more. I wish I did.
    Thanks for sharing. It brought back a wonderful memory for me. I thought it was especially lovely you seeing your mother’s pink blouse!

  6. Goldie Hanson

    My Dad came back in a dream almost 10 years exactly after his (sudden) death. We had a good conversation and I asked him why he had waited so long to visit. His response was “They wouldn’t give me my body.” Still seems like a weird comment for him – or my subconscious – to “dream” up. No return visit from my Mom but she has not been gone 10 years yet.

    1. Kathleen

      Sounds like your father might have had a big sense of humor, or has since acquired one. I realize reading a statement by someone you don’t know can be totally misinterpreted. I apologize if I did so in your case.
      I hope you get a repeat visit and that you get one from your mother as well. How nice you actually had a conversation!

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