She doesn’t look like a virgin

She doesn’t look like a virgin

 


This beer is brewed in southern Utah, right near the entrance to Zion National Park. The Virgin River runs through town. 

When I saw the image of the girl on the six pack, I thought to myself, “She’s no virgin!” Why would I say that? Good question. It just happened. The thought popped into my head all by itself. I had nothing to do with it except for my brain, which sometimes does things that the rest of me does not approve of.

I think maybe I thought she was not a virgin by the way she is put together, I mean the parts are all in the right places and she has nice hair. Guys would be after her left and right. Not me, though, because I am too old. If I were to approach her with lust in my eyes, she would say, “Go away, you old fart!” I’m pretty sure she would say that. Frankly, I would deserve it. But maybe she would be nicer and say something like, “I’m not available, sir, but would you be interested in my great-grandma?” Ouch! That WOULD hurt!

Still, being very sexy looking, I thought maybe she should travel to Intercourse, Pennsylvania, where she could investigate some of the beers from the Intercourse Brewing Company, where the motto is “May your spirit be light and may you always enjoy Intercourse.” That’s true. I did not make that up!

I think there is an opportunity for both companies to do some business — import some of each other’s beers and sell them as a package, Virgin and Intercourse. Good idea, right? I bet they would do pretty well, or at least get some laughs.

—Chuck Woodbury

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18 thoughts on “She doesn’t look like a virgin

  1. Mike Roberts

    Boy, Chuck you sure know how to get yourself in trouble over a bottle of beer! It’s a good thing that you didn’t tackle the Intercourse label. If that silo next to the barn isn’t a phallic symbol and that wide open barn door. Lordy, lordy, those people in PA, should be tarred and feathered!

  2. Grant Edgar

    I’m glad that the label on the box didn’t read. ” 2 big jugs” instead of “6 12floz bottles” or I would also be in trouble for what I was thinking. Cheers.

    1. RV Staff

      😀 –Diane at RVtravel.com

  3. Gregory Illes

    Wow, Chuck — I’m proud of you for your fearlessness in publishing thoughts that most of us might shy away from as being just not PC enough to broadcast.

    OBVIOUSLY all in fun and not to be taken seriously, OBVIOUSLY a little humor from our aging perspective, OBVIOUSLY a compliment to the lovely lass in the picture.

    And, sadly, just as obviously an opportunity for easily-offended folks to take offense.

    Of course, you knew all this when you hit the “publish” button. Kudos.

    G.

  4. Wolfe

    Hopefully I’ll explain this right within this tight space, but I read Chucks comments exactly the reverse of how Dinah took them. Among other careers, I’m a professional safety instructor, and often teach personal defense in women’s shelters. There, I OFTEN hear women “taking back the power” by calling themselves various sexual innuendos — it’s THEIR sexuality to own, afterall. As such, Chuck here saying the girl is attractive and playfully guessing she’s not a virgin could be taken as a statement of women’s empowerment, where pressuring women to stay virgins, valuing virginity higher, etc IS ABSOLUTELY a REAL form of misogynistic suppression and control. While I don’t entirely agree with an oversexxed guy being lauded as a stud, the converse would be an attractive women lauded for being a NON-virgin (There is a good book _Ethical Sl*t_ that expresses this head-on). In fact, I would applaud a woman “owning herself” in whatever ways she chooses, without ignorant judgement in either direction of what she “should” be.

    Of course, all of that seriousness said, it’s also valid to just tell Dinah to LIGHTEN THE HECK UP. No harm was intended, and intentions DO matter. NO ONE is going to suddenly abuse their wife just because they saw artwork on a beer-box.

  5. Chuck Woodbury

    Deb, I have a daughter and I can guarantee this verbal playfulness would not in the least offend her. I did nothing here to set back the women’s movement or any other movement. “Rape culture?” Really? I’m contributing to that? You can take his silly little essay that far? Sorry, I don’t get it. The name of the brewing company is Virgin Brewing because it sits right beside the Virgin River. Do you object to the play on words on the Intercourse Brewing slogan? Or is the name Intercourse, which in the case of the town has absolutely nothing to do with anything remotely related to sex? Like I said to Dinah, there are far more important things to be concerned about in this confusing, troubled world.

    1. Deb

      Guess we will have to agree to disagree.

  6. Deb

    I agree with Dinah. You guys need to read up on misogynistic and “rape culture” attitudes. This article, and in fact, the name of the brewing company and river also embody both. Once you’ve educated yourselves I doubt you’ll think it’s “no big deal” anymore especially if you have daughters and granddaughters and realize they deal with these attitudes numerous times every day. Help educate others instead of sticking up for harmful thoughts and ideas. Chuck, I know you meant no harm and this article was intended to be humorous but once I educated myself I began to understand.

  7. Bill Lampkin

    Did you miss “Polygamy Beer? “Why Have Just One” as their marketing people say on each bottle. Still brewed in Salt Lake City.

    1. Wolfe

      You quote quite wrong… I believe the beer you’re thinking of is “Polygamy Porter,” brewed by Wasatch Brewery. Their slogan is indeed “Why have just one?” I proudly wear their apparel and use their glassware around Palmyra NY (assuming you understand the connection).

  8. PeteD

    Dinah’s comment reminds me of something that happened while traveling last summer. We were checking out at Walmart. My wife bought a new broom. She had stood the broom up next to the checkout counter. The young girl had rung up all our goods but she didn’t see the broom. I said to my wife,”don’t forget the broom. You won’t be able to take your midnight ride.” The young lady became enraged. She snapped at me with a list of feminist labels for guys like me. I told her to lighten up. We’ve been married 45 years and banter with each other like that all the time. She said she would never stay married to someone like me. And you wonder why the divorce rate is so high. I would have reported her to her manager but she/he probably would have agreed with her.

  9. Bob Godfrey

    There isn’t a day that goes by anymore when someone isn’t “offended” by another’s statement. What a sad world it has become.
    Hope there is a “safe place” for you somewhere Dinah.

  10. Tommy Molnar

    Lighten up, Dinah. Find something important to be offended by.

  11. Dinah Ackerson

    I was shocked, to say the least, about your article “She Doesn’t Look Like A Virgin”.

    What do you think a virgin looks like?
    Why does it matter to you?

    Your article was disgusting, misogynistic and completely wrong!.

    I will cancel my monthly “dues”.

    1. Chuck Woodbury

      Yeah, Dinah. Lighten up. I was having fun. There are more important things in this world to be shocked and disgusted about. — Chuck

      1. Bob Harris

        Guess Dinah “got up on the wrong side of the bed” Chuck? Geeesh!

        — Bob

    2. Grossed out

      Agreed. I am not easily offended but this is WTF?!?!!

      1. Chuck Woodbury

        I’d suggest that WTF is more offensive than what I wrote. I won’t write out what it means, but we all know, and, really, I find that offensive. Why do you feel the need to use what amounts to profanity in your comment? And, remember, I wrote this little essay in my Roadside Journal, which I state often has little do with RVing. It’s just my little verbal play area. I suggest you just stay away and read the newsletter itself.

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