By Chuck Woodbury
Gail and I were just talking and she said something that jarred a memory.
It was from high school. For some reason I attended summer school one year. I have no idea why. Maybe I flunked a class. I know I did terrible in trigonometry.
The big thing back then was a new cream you could rub on yourself, usually your face, that would provide an instant tan. It was a way of turning yourself into a bronze god or goddess without wasting time sunbathing. Sitting in the sun hour after hour was boring to me so this seemed a good way to help make me irresistible to women.
I bought some of the creme and rubbed it on my face. Wow! Wow! Wow! Within an hour or two (I can’t remember) I had a light tan. It was amazing, almost beyond belief! But I was not yet bronze enough, so I applied more. And more. Finally, my tan had reached perfection (my opinion). Keep in mind that I lived in Southern California, where a tan was pretty much required for even entry-level sex appeal.
One day at summer school, I noticed an attractive girl in my class staring at me. I caught her staring more than once. Was it possible, I wondered, that she was interested in me, now that I was so incredibly sexy with my magnificent tan? I don’t remember exactly how long it was until she said something, yet she did. But the fact that she was very good looking and stared at me so long was enough to set my heart a pitter-patter. This was back when I had perhaps 50 million male hormones as opposed to maybe 60 or 70 now that I am old and no longer need to reproduce. When a young guy has that many hormones and thinks a girl likes him, it can drive him into a mad frenzy. If you are a guy, you know.
Anyway, back to the girl. Finally, she spoke. “Chuck, do you know you have green eyebrows?”
That’s what she said. Oh, that hurt! Really hurt! She didn’t desire me at all! It was just a case of green eyebrows!
That was the end of my life as a bronze god and my green eyebrows.